Amelia is finally sold on the move to Los Angeles. She still talks about missing her friends but whenever she complains about the cold I remind her it’s not cold in California. Today it’s -12 degrees so I think the perks of the move are finally sinking in.
I on the other hand am still having mixed feelings. It was my dream to live in New York. I worked so hard to get here and it’s been hard for me to admit that New York is not the artsy place I dreamed it would be when I was living in Kansas.
When I went home for Christmas, as our plane flew over New York the skyline just looked like a bed of nails that I had been trying to make comfortable for 14 years. When I first moved to New York I used to look at the buildings and feel hopeful and inspired, now I just cry. So, it’s time to move.
I could go on and on explaining the reasons for the move. It’s one of the most rational and logical decisions I have made in a while. But no matter how much I try to reason or explain the move to my heart I just get sad and wish it was different.
I wonder how long it will take for my heart to catch up with my mind? Part of me feels that once I move to Los Angeles and see how much fun our life is there I will feel much better.
I also wonder if maybe I am not really grieving the move but instead grieving the death of New York as an art and culture hub?