Over the past three weeks, Amelia and I have had lots and lots of alone time.
And it’s super exhausting. Aaron has been traveling a lot this month so I have been taking care of Freckles and Amelia by myself. It’s really hard to get the dog walked by bedtime and get to school on time everyday. I haven’t been writing because I have been passing out at night. Instead of scheduling playdates, when Amelia has free time I make her do the laundry with me. We don’t have a washing machine in our apartment so I can’t do it at night when she is sleeping like I do when Aaron is in town. Amelia doesn’t mind because she likes to help but I do because laundry takes FOREVER when she helps.
Despite learning how exhausting it is do do everything yourself. These past couple of weeks have made me see how much of a big deal I am to Amelia.
I know it sounds weird to say this but most of the time I just feel like my family’s maid and nanny. Amelia is always asking for something and there is always a mess to be cleaned. I don’t feel appreciated most days and end up resenting all the work I have to do.
Recently, I have started watching Amelia when she is playing alone and most of the time she is pretending to be a New York mom named Shannon who wears glasses and writes a lot on a computer. She also always wants to cuddle with me and the only time she really cries anymore is at bedtime because she wants to sleep with me. My daughter may constantly bark demands at me but deep down she thinks I am pretty cool.
She also really cares what I think. I don’t have to discipline her much but when I do she breaks down and cries because as she says she wants me to, “not be mad and be proud of her”. This is why it breaks my heart when I have to give her a time out or scold her because she wants so much to do things “right”.
I am excited for Aaron to be home more but I am happy that this month allowed me a ridiculous amount of time alone with Amelia so I was able to see just how much she cares. So next time I am cleaning up a mess and dealing with a tantrum I will remember that even though she doesn’t act like at most of the time deep down my daughter thinks I am awesome.