Amelia Misses her Friends
Amelia has been experiencing a lot of a new emotions lately. A couple of months ago she started to use the word miss. She misses her schools friends, teachers, relatives and friends that live in other states, she even misses the snow. The first time she used the word miss it shocked me. How grown-up of her to be able to realize she misses someone and then tell me about it. Then it broke my heart because I can’t always fix her feelings when she misses someone.

Amelia Misses her FriendsI can’t stop her friends from going on family vacations. I can’t force everyone she loves to live in New York. I have made a huge effort to schedule playdates with her friends and family that she misses. This has made a world of difference because if she cries about missing someone I can tell her not to worry because she will see them very soon.

Amelia Misses her Friends Unfortunately, right now she misses a friend’s pet that is no longer with us. I haven’t talked to her about it yet because she never mentioned the pet but then yesterday she asked to see the pet. I changed the subject because I didn’t know what to say but then she told me she really misses the pet and wants to see the pet soon.

So now I am wracking my brain trying to figure out what I should do. Should I say the pet went on a very long trip. Or should I tell her the truth? If I tell her the truth what should I say?

Any advice would be very helpful 🙂

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11 Responses to “Missing”

  1. sabrina June 17, 2014 at 8:57 AM #

    It’s not easy to talk to “the very long trip “. It was too my problem when we have lost the rabbit of the home ! He ran in our garden and he has disappeared (certainly eaten by a fox or raptor). I have shame but i have lied. I didn’t knew how to say to my daughters that their rabbit was dead. So i said them that he had found a female rabbit and he had his rabbit family now but he love them again.
    Now they was so bigger and i can explain the “death” a little but it’s again complicated.

  2. missquee June 17, 2014 at 9:01 AM #

    Where I volunteer, I have to answer to those kind of questions all the time. Don’t be afraid to use the word death (i’m assuming here that the pet dead!) Don’t go in the he’s in heaven, with the god of animals, not suffering, etc. Just explain plainly to her that every living thing, human, pets, flowers, one day, dies. That means that physically, she won’t be able to touch, play, hear the pet in question. That the circle of life. She probably won’t comprehend yet the live-die part, but the most important thing is to make her understand that she won’t be able to see the pet as she can see Freckles. To soothe her “missing craves”, you can build with her a scrapbook with pictures, drawings, memories etc of the pet in question. So every time after, she will be able to look at the book and it will be a bit like the pet is still alive, with her She will be abe to tell stories related to he pictures, etc. You can also do that kind of thing with pictures of her friends she’s missing while they are with their families and that she can’t see them now!

    • missquee June 17, 2014 at 9:45 AM #

      Sorry for the “double post”. I just reread myself and found I sounded like the Lion king!! And I add that you can talk to her about people/animals come and go in her life. That’s what gonna happen for the rest of her life. Some choose to stay for a long, long time, some less, some not at all.

      • Shannon June 18, 2014 at 9:56 AM #

        no big deal and I LOVE The Lion king 🙂

  3. Jess June 17, 2014 at 7:09 PM #

    Just in the past month or so Warren has noticed “the stones” that we pass all the time on the short cut to school. There is a path through the cemetery that means we get to the school in about 5 minutes. So Warren knows that those stones mean there is a person buried there that died. I explained they put those there so people can still visit them and if they miss them they can come there and talk to them. He hasn’t asked too much about death, but he knows I’ve had a guinea pig that died. Being Amelia is a little younger…do you know if there is a picture of the pet she could have? Maybe you could explain that the pet died so she can’t visit it anymore. But if there’s a picture she could have of it, she could at least still see the pet and talk to it. It’s not the same but it might help. I take pictures of Warren’s toys that he worries he’ll miss but doesn’t want to keep anymore. Then he can always look at it and remember it but he also knows he gets the money if we sell it, or that some other kiddo will get to have fun with it if we’re donating it.

    • Shannon June 18, 2014 at 9:57 AM #

      A picture is a great idea. Thanks!

  4. snarkysarcasticbish June 17, 2014 at 7:30 PM #

    Death is hard to deal with, but being up front and honest is even harder at this age. Tell her that the pet is gone, but happy. 3 is a very difficult age to have to deal with death, but I am sure that you will do it with style and grace. If the pet had been sick and she knew about that then you could say that the pet was no longer in pain and being happy with other pets of the same type. My kids had to learn at an early age just because a friend ran over one of our cats. That was fun.

    • Shannon June 18, 2014 at 9:57 AM #

      I didn’t tell her the pet was sick because I just didn’t think of it. I am surprised she even remembers the pet.

    • Shannon June 18, 2014 at 9:58 AM #

      She has quite the memory which is awesome but sad in this case.

  5. star71 June 17, 2014 at 8:07 PM #

    It’s very hard to tell a child so young about death.
    Even when our dog passed away and my oldest son was 7, it was still hard and he knew what was going on.
    If she knows what heaven is, for example if you have relatives that have passed, that she knew… Explain that’s where the animal went and I know at the library there’s books on it, maybe check one out and read it to her, it’ll help her understand and grip the concept. That’s what I did.

    Hope that helps…
    Good Luck, Amelia is smart and she’ll catch on.

  6. storywrtr June 18, 2014 at 8:40 AM #

    Death is tough to explain to a toddler. I have always told my kids the truth on stuff like that. At that age, you can say the pet died and explain what death means to you and your family-Heaven, reincarnation, whatever you believe. And that it’s okay to let her cry about it. And she can make something–a drawing, painting, play-doh something–of her favorite moments or just of the pet to memorialize what it meant to her.

    There are some good books out there that are meant for this age. It’s a good way to introduce the idea before going on to tell her.

    Just know that no matter how you chose to do this, she will come out of this okay. It’s a process, and she is so young…but she’ll be okay and will know that mom is there to talk no matter the situation or topic.

    Good luck.

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