I am here to say yes my daughter is perfect and never throws temper tantrums.
Ok, she is perfect but she throws temper tantrums all the time. Yesterday, she kept crying and screaming no so mcuh that I when I saw my pediatrician on the street I asked her if my daughter was ok. Surely there must be a reason for why my daughter is being so difficult? Turns out she is just a normal toddler.
I started my blog as a way to celebrate my daughter. Postpartum Depression made it difficult to bond with her and my vision was clouded by what a baby should be as opposed to who my baby is and was. Once I started blogging I took pictures every day of Princess A. When she was finally in bed I would look at the pictures and her personality would become clear to me.
She is not the pristine baby girl that the stork delivers in the movies. She is Princess A. She wears a crown and loves tutus but also loves playing in the mud. She is the baby that couldn’t co-sleep but the second we put her in her crib slept soundly. She gave up the pacifier at 3 months and the bottle at 9 months on her own. She is nice to everyone unless they are mean to her puppy Freckles. If you cross her puppy she will push you and not even feel guilty about it. Princess A has never once touched the beautiful dolls I bought her but today she bottle fed a Tapir and T-Rex and then threw her doll out of it’s crib so she could put her dinosaurs and jungle animals to sleep in it. She’s not the perfect stereotypical baby girl she’s something better. She’s Princess A.
She’s also the kid who loves to play so much that when she realizes she has pooped climbs up to the highest point in the playground because she doesn’t want her play time to be interrupted by a diaper change. Once she is there she cries because she realizes it’s not very fun to sit in poop. So I climb up to retrieve her and she cries even louder because she has changed her mind… who cares about a dirty diaper when they are slides? I drag her to the bathroom where she decides once again that poopy diapers are gross and she wants to take hers off now by herself who cares if mom isn’t ready yet I’m a big girl and don’t need anyone’s help. Uh-oh she is covered in poop now she starts to cry because she is covered in it and is unhappy BUT DOESN’T WANT ANYONE TO HELP CLEAN THE POOP OFF HER BECAUSE WHY CAN’T PEOPLE JUST LEAVE HER ALONE TO WALLOW IN HER OWN EXCREMENT SHE’S A BIG GIRL AND IF SHE WANTS TO SIT IN POOP ALL DAY SHE SHOULD BE ABLE TO SO SHE THROWS HERSELF ON THE FLOOR OF A NASTY NYC PUBLIC BATHROOM AND I HAVE TO CARRY HER TO OUR STROLLER AND IN THE PROCESS GET POOP ON MYSELF. I LEAVE THE PLAYGROUND COVERED IN POOP, PUSHING A CRYING CHILD, AND WITH LITTLE SANITY OR DIGNITY.
So then I go home. I give Princess A lunch and put her down for her nap. I wash myself off and decided to look at my camera. Yes, she was really annoying at the end but I got some great pictures of her before the outburst. Then I realize that I got some hysterical pictures of her when she was trying to pretend everything was normal and she hadn’t pooped. These pictures crack me up and I am now able to see that Princess A isn’t some maniacal monster out to drive me bonkers. She’s a kid with a lot of moxie who really wants to be able to do everything her way and on her own… even if that means getting covered in her own poop. She’s not a bad kid who throws temper tantrums all day… she’s a kid just trying to play at the playground whose awesome play session got cut short by an unplanned poop.
So then I blog about our day. But once I start writing “Princess A’s Outfit of the Day” the frustration is gone and all I see is my daughter who won’t let anything get in her way. I admire this and lovingly write my blog post forgetting about the not so fun parts. I don’t do this to be disingenuous is just happens.
So if you read my blog and are wondering how I have such a well behaved daughter just remember that I don’t. I love her to pieces but she throws at least one temper tantrum a day and if she doesn’t throw poop at me I somehow get the dog’s poop on me. And if you still want to take some parenting tips from me because you think my daughter is perfect the only advice I can say is to try and take a picture of your kid every day for a month and see what you learn about them. You might learn that while your kid is far from perfect they might be something that is way better… themselves.
Janitor at Mom Blog PoopPeePuke.com
Lover of Funny at The World New York Comedy Club