HAS EVERYONE POOPED?

This was originally posted on Dec. 29th 2011.

Wanted

“Princess A the Bathtub PooperSometimes likes to disguise herself with bubble beards

Reward: One Happy Mom

As a mom I now feel like I am a foreigner in a new country who doesn’t speak the language. Sometimes I feel like The Husband and I don’t even speak the same language. It’s hard for me to hang out with my closest friends because they don’t get me either. The only people who speak the same language as me now are other moms. And not just moms… moms that take care of their own kids and are honest!

This sometimes makes me feel isolated and angry. Why doesn’t everyone understand how much work, planning, and minute to minute detail it takes to run a family every day? Don’t they know that if Princess A doesn’t eat dinner by 5 she poops in her sleep and then can’t fall back to sleep and if Freckles doesn’t eat by 5 he doesn’t poop on his 6 o’clock walk so he starts barking like a rabid dog at 10 o’clock and has to wait till The Husband gets back from work at 1 am to relieve himself???

Once The Husband leaves for work at night I can’t leave the apartment and before I put Princess A to bed I always ask myself “Has Everyone Pooped?”

Lots of people say to me “Why do you put your baby to bed so early?”, “Can’t you keep her up later?”, “How did you get her on a schedule?”, or my favorite “Your daughter sleeps too much”. What they don’t realize is I had no choice in the matter. Amelia is a better baby if she is in bed by 7 and she wakes up at 6:45am no matter what time she goes to bed. So I put her to bed at 7pm so I can have some me time and she can get a full nights rest. I would love to have a baby that could sleep in till 11am and stay up late without flipping out but that’s not how Princess A is.

More importantly, I like that she sleeps this much. During her naps I collect myself or nap as well. The last thing I want to do is entertain people during her nap time. Mothering is the only job where you don’t get breaks and you are expected to be happy about it. Some days I find myself so angry with people that I want to form a mom union and demand that we get lunch breaks, coffee breaks, and paid vacation days. But then I wonder who would take care of the babies during these times and I realize my plan is a mere fantasy. If a company worked an employee as hard as babies work moms they would be sued for some kind of labor law infringement.

Here is my daily schedule. Whether I have a good day or a bad day depends on if everyone has pooped at the appropriate time in the appropriate places.

6:30- I wake up eat breakfast, drink my coffee and get ready for anther day with my lovable monsters. But if Princess A was given her dinner or bottle late she wakes up at 6am to poop and I don’t get this much needed alone time.

7am- On a good day this is when Princess A wakes up and has breakfast. It is hard for Freckles to wait to be walked in the morning because he can’t eat until he has had his morning poop. Then we walk Freckles so he can finally poop and hopefully Princess A poops too so she can enjoy her nap.

9am- I put Princess A down for her nap. She usually tries her best not to nap from 9-9:30 then falls asleep until 10:30. UNLESS, she didn’t poop before her nap which means she will wake up from her nap early to poop and be very cranky.

10:30am- Princess A gets her snack and we walk Freckles so he can poop and pee.

12pm- Princess a gets lunch or as she calls it, “Throw food at Mommy time”. Hopefully she poops before her next nap.

1pm- Princess A babbles, screams, and crawls around her crib trying not to nap.

1:30pm- Princess A finally looses the war to sleep and takes a long nap unless of course she didn’t poop before. If this is the case, she poops during her nap and is cranky for the rest of the day

3pm- Snack time

3pm-5pm- This is our family fun time where we do various things like walk in Central Park, go to shows, or have friends over. This is the perfect time to do stuff because no one has to eat or poop during this time.

5pm- Freckles and Princess A both eat dinner in hopes that they poop at the right time.

5:45pm- I walk Freckles and pray that he poops.

6pm- Hopefully Princess A has pooped between dinner and now. If not there is a chance she will poop in the tub.

7pm- Princess A gets her bottle, screams and talks like a crazy person, then falls asleep and stays asleep until 6:45am. Unless of course, she didn’t poop after dinner or in the tub. Then she poops in the middle of the night and it takes her about 2 hours to fall back to sleep.

See I am not lying. My quality of life really depends on poop. I hope this post helps people understand my world a bit more and when I start to get nervous about going off schedule it’s not because I am crazy it’s because I don’t want to deal with a cranky baby, a barking dog, or a bathtub full of poop.

Stay Glamorous,

Shannon Sutherland

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22 Responses to “HAS EVERYONE POOPED?”

  1. Jamie December 29, 2011 at 12:33 PM #

    How well I remember my life revolving around poop. I too started with one child and a dog and the poop schedules. Then added another child who insisted on his own schedule. The hell with the perfect schedule already in place. Nightmares! But all survived until the insane teen years and you are looking at your bratty kids and find yourself wondering if they have pooped recently and knowing if you asked them they would put you out of your misery. Which at times when dealing with teenagers, can be very tempting. Hang in there, stay on schedule and be happy.

    • shannonsutherland December 29, 2011 at 3:58 PM #

      Thanks Jaime… it’s good to know I am not the crazy one and other people know about the difficulties of baby and dog poop

  2. Cécile December 29, 2011 at 3:21 PM #

    Oh my poor … I’ll be honest with no children (yet) I am between laughter and tears. Don’t hit me, please !
    I want to cry because I understand your lack of raconaissance. Many of my friends are mom and I kept my goddaughter often enough to understand this crazy schedule.
    But I laugh too, because with your words i feel a weariness, exasperation … It’s hard for me to explain it because I don’t speak English well enough … sorry.
    Hang in there, be happy it’s the most important !

  3. Tara Costlow December 29, 2011 at 7:02 PM #

    Aww, sweetie I feel for you. If a poop schedule is what you have to keep to make life smooth, keep with it. My son is 6 and has had constipation all his life. Within the last year I had to take him to the doctor because he would randomly throw up once every three weeks or so. I thought something was seriously wrong, why else would your kid randomly puke? He was constipated. We even got xrays to be sure. I find it amazing the pride and sense of accomplishment that comes with regularity. I guess that is what motherhood does to you.

    • shannonsutherland December 30, 2011 at 6:52 AM #

      Thanks Tara… it’s amazing how motherhood makes you love the small things!

  4. Felicia Palmer December 30, 2011 at 2:58 AM #

    And this is why I keep coming back for more! I too remember when our dog and our baby ran on poop schedules, got angry with other parents for being fake or nitpicking everything I would do and then there were the jeqlous ones who would get uptight and live like it was some sort of competition. Pre-babies we had hot coffe, post babies they turn cold and we had to just suck it up. I’m with you girl, we need a union STAT! Oh well we can dream can’t we?

    • shannonsutherland December 30, 2011 at 6:49 AM #

      I know it’s more of a dream but it would be hard to have a union. Imagine if we went on strike!

  5. Lori December 31, 2011 at 2:21 PM #

    Yep. Remembering a time I thought I could relax. Then it was like a domino effect. Everybody, kids & dogs, had to poop at the same time. I think I was the one that almost puked. Then, just as the dust was settling, I got peed on. Poop, puke and pee. Yep. Covered it all.

    • shannonsutherland December 31, 2011 at 5:20 PM #

      Same here!!!! It’s gross but my dog and baby are cite so it makes up for it!

  6. Jordan May 11, 2012 at 7:11 PM #

    I completely understand and feel the same way. I think it’s funny when people who don’t have children make comments like “If I ever had a kid, I wouldn’t let it run my life, I’d just work it into my life the way it is.” HA! Especially when expecting parents think this way. I feel sorry for them but I also laugh on the inside because they have no idea what parenting really entails. Being a mom is so much harder and tiring than I thought it would be. It really is a 24/7 job. It never ends. Even when you aren’t with your child, you’re thinking about them and all the stuff you have to do. It’s a crazy job, but someone’s gotta do it.

    • Shannon May 11, 2012 at 9:16 PM #

      I so agree with you Jordan. But honestly if I was to explain what it was like to someone who isn’t a parent yet I don’t think I could even put into words how hard and tiring it is so that’s why I think non parents just don’t get it

      • Jordan May 12, 2012 at 3:42 PM #

        They really don’t! My very good friend just welcomed his first baby on Thursday and he was going on about how smooth it’s going and how easy it’s going to be because both parents have big families who will help. I shouldn’t have said anything but I let a few things slip about how difficult it actually is once real life parenting begins outside of the hospital. He kept saying, “well, it’ll be easier for us because we have each other and our families, and you’re all by yourself. So it’s different”. That just made me angry! But I apologized because I know he’ll find out sooner or later that it doesn’t matter how many people are around you, parenting is no easy job. It’s rewarding and the best thing ever, but it’s also the most trying, exhausting, hair tearing out, cry yourself to sleep, draining thing to do ever! But, they have to find out for themselves.

        • Shannon May 12, 2012 at 4:35 PM #

          My in-laws helo a lot and my husband and I both work from home so I can’t even imagine how hard it is for you because at the end of the day I am always just so exhausted!!!!!

          • Jordan May 13, 2012 at 12:04 AM #

            It’s definitely not easy, but at the end of the day, exhausted and all, I wouldn’t have it any other way. I usually hold up pretty well nowadays. Although I did have a little melt down today, But I’m back on track! Single mom, married mom, divorced mom, a mom is a mom. It’s rough on all of us.

          • Shannon May 13, 2012 at 9:10 AM #

            Blue mascara sounds so fun!

  7. Camilla (@Gamolie) May 11, 2012 at 7:18 PM #

    I am so with you! Sleep schedules or patterns are so individual, and only you, the mom, knows what works best for all of you. A friend of mine keeps insisting it’s time to cut out my daughter’s nap and “just put her to bed earlier.” I know – through experience – that if I do that, she just wakes back up at 8 or 9 and then is up past midnight partying. Plus, I want that nap time for me. I wouldn’t force it on her, but as long as it’s working, why would I give up that work/quiet time in my afternoon??

    Poop runs our lives now, too, even more so now that we have a dog. If he doesn’t poop on his bedtime walk, I obsess, and most times end up having to let him out at 3 am. My younger son has an intestinal disorder that makes entirely too much of our schedules revolve around poop as well.

    This post is one of the many reasons I love reading your blog so much. You’re a first time mom and yet you “get it” more than most moms I know with three and four kids. And you always explain it so perfectly.

    • Shannon May 11, 2012 at 9:19 PM #

      Thank You Camilla!!!! Amelia is 14 months and people keep telling me I should switch to 1 nap but I don’t because even if she just sits in her crib and babbles the whole time she comes out calmer. Maybe she needs the alone time as much as I do?

  8. Melody May 12, 2012 at 3:31 PM #

    I completely understand where your coming from and I don’t understand why anyone would think that you are putting Amelia to bed too early or she’s sleeping to much ( from what you’ve described, she’s actually getting the recommended amount of sleep per day ). I put my daughter to bed at about the same time that you’ve mentioned and she get’s up at 6:30 am – 7:00 am. Although lately she’s been either waking up an hour after she’s gone to bed or just not wanting to go to bed until an hour later than usual.The only difference is my little one almost wont take a nap during the day unless I lay her down at a certain time and she’ll take a 1 or 2 hour nap. She wont take separate naps throughout the day. But even with that, she still gets the recommended amount of sleep. It may seem excessive to some, but it works for us and it keeps her happy ( mostly lol) for the rest of the day. On top of that all babies/toddlers are different and need different schedules just as adults do. Unfortunately there are some people that just don’t understand that.

    • Shannon May 12, 2012 at 4:33 PM #

      Agreed. This post is old but Amelia still needs 2 naps a day or she is no fun and she still needs to go to bed early.

  9. Missy May 14, 2012 at 3:49 AM #

    I am that mom who revolves around a poop schedule as well.The thing I hate is walking out the door or getting ready to and Josh poops.

    • Shannon May 14, 2012 at 9:21 AM #

      LOL, that happens a lot to me. Or I am about to do something then my dog flips out because he needs to poop so I have to go walk him.

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